My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
