Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I could fuck to npr.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
