Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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