And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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