I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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