peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
