ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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