fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
