we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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