On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
