Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
