I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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