You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
