how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
