i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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