if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
