so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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