bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
