i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
