I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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