Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
