Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
