i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
