I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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