i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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