Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
