i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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