I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
