Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
