she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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