Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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