my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
