Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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