If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
