He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
