margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
