It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
