her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
