You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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