(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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