i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
