need another drink. this is the easiest way
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
