just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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