i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
