i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
