I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
