I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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