I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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