Already got asked if we're dating
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
