i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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