Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
