I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
