Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
