My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
