she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
