Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I came so hard my ears popped.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
